Our Littlest Blessing

I am creating this blog to share with you all the roller coaster of now being a mommy of three. Caden Michael Bench made his arrival January 15th at 3:01PM. What a roller coaster ride this pregnancy has been. When God started pulling on my heart to have a third little puppy I had no idea what a ride he had in store for me. I really thought since I am trusting God and stepping out of "my plan" for my life and having another kiddo that I would have an easy breezy pregnancy! WRONG!!!!!!!! After pre-term laboring and the wonderful liver condition I became extememly mad at God. I even found myself not praying and not even able to cry out to him. I then called on my sweet sisters to intervene on my behalf, which they did and did it often. I really feel blessed to have such incredible Godly friends who when I would call ready to pull my hair out from all that itching would pray with me on the spot and talk me down out of my krazy state! I really am quite ashamed at my behavior but I realized God was big enough to handle me in my encrazed and itchy state! What I did not bargain for was the lessons I would learn through those months of anger and doubt. I found myself questioning whether God really did put it on my heart to have another baby and was he there hearing me scream at all. The answer to all those questions were a big fat YES!!!!!!! My sweet sister-in-law told me since you can't pray put on the praise music and let it surround your house and you know it worked (my sister-in-law is one of the wisest women I know and I admire and love her soooooooo much---especially since she is making me an aunt once again. I now have the great priviledge of praying for her and I can only hope I am as much of a comfort to her as she was to me). I finally found my heart surrendering and softening as the music would blare through the house. Everytime Jeremy Riddle's Sweet Surrendered came on tears would fill my eyes and I would hear myself slowly talking to God. I am sure he was shaking his head and sweetly crooning "it is about time my daughter". That song means so mcuh to me now. I blare it in the car daily and it was amazing Sunday was my first day back in church and they had time at the altar for praying and they started singing that song WOW!!!!!! I dropped to my knees and cried at all I had been through and am blessed to have. God is so good and his grace and forgiveness that I was in need of was so abundant. As soon as Caden was in my arms there was not a doubt in my head that God had indeed shouted at me to have another baby. He is my little man and the love I have for this little gift from God is indescribable!

So, not every blog will be that long but I want to be able to share this journey with you all. Thank you to all who prayed us through this pregnancy and prayed for me when I couldn't find the words or the desire. I may have left God but he NEVER left me and it is so awesome to be back in conversation with him and to know I am forgiven for my krazy behaivior. Am I sane now (was I before all this NO). To Kim, Shell and Cynthia you guys are my rocks and I would be so lost without you. Thanks for things only you guys would understand. Will I still call and rant and rave, uh YEAH! I wouldn't be me without my sudden outbursts from my alter ego!

I also need to give much love to the sweetest and cutest teammate around (yes honey that's you!). Michael was truly so supprotive and I am sure there was more than 100 different times he wanted to trade me to a differnt team. But, he kept me and we have truly scored!!!!!!! Babe, I love you and can't beleive what God is doing in our lives and I am ecstatic to go on this journey with you and see what he has prpeared for us b/c I know it will be awesome...and to end this form a quote from my fav author Karen Kingsbury "...I thank God who for now has blessed me with these."